I’ve written quite a few articles on topics related to emotional loss such as heartbreak, breakups, divorce etc. In one of my articles I elaborated on the fact that everyone suffers from emotional loss during their lifetime. To not suffer emotional loss is to not have loved. People you love will sooner or later leave you due to circumstances not in your control. It could be due to their life taking them away, or their death. Until the time you leave them for one of these reasons.
In another article, I discussed how it is rather difficult for some people, more than others, to go through an emotional heartbreak related to a romantic relationship. So, some people find it extremely hard going through a breakup. They are able to handle instances of death of a loved one more easily, than separation through volition. These people display extreme emotions in times of emotional loss.
The main reason for this is emotional immaturity. And the root of emotional immaturity lies in childhood and parenting. So, if you are finding it hard to deal with a breakup, there is a very high likelihood that your parents were quite controlling. This implies that, as a child you were not allowed to express your emotions freely.
Parenting & freedom of emotional expression
Many parents actually restrain their children from expressing negative emotions. Especially in public, because they feel embarrassed. It is actually important to give your child the freedom to express all their emotions in private as well in public. They should feel comfortable expressing themselves around you at all times. This does not imply giving in to their emotional demands. It just implies freedom of emotional expression. This includes ways that you might not like e.g. crying, yelling, shouting etc. But instead of suppressing these, you should influence your Childs behaviour by maintaining a cool calm composure yourself. Children learn better by influence, than by suppression.
Relationship to parents
Due to the controlling nature of parents, these children do not share a strong & deep emotional connection with their family members. And therefore all of their emotional energy is devoted into the one relationship – which is the romantic relationship.
This is also the cause of troubles in this very important and beautiful relationship. It is not fair to put the burden of all your emotional support on to your partner. Such people will go through cycles of experiencing euphoria when they feel they are in love, to being completely devastated when they are going through a breakup.
Now that you are aware of the origin of your emotional pattern, the question is how do you fix this issue. Here are some tips.
Manage your relationship with your parents.
As I’ve said, typically these people will have a detrimental relationship with their parents. Some people choose to cut off from that relationship calling it abusive.
The fact is you cannot change your parents. And also, as we grow older, we need to take ownership ion our relationship to our parents. That means we must manage it well, be respectful, avoid confrontation, given them company (within our limits) & support them on our terms as they grow older.
Leaders define their terms in every relationship. And it starts with defining your terms with your relationship to your parents.
Date Like Leaders Do
The next step towards gaining emotional maturity is to start dating like emotionally mature people. Daring & Romantic relationships teach us how to love, how to navigate through the choices of our potentially strongest relationship. If you take a mature approach to dating, your emotional footprint will change. And you will be able to take control of your emotions much better.
We talk about specific action items related to dating like leaders in the Dating & Romance Webinars.