There are five stages of emotional growth in human life.
In the juvenile state, an individual seeks Emotional Stimulation. This is the reason, why most high school relationships are filled with drama. People are attracted to entertainment. People choose mates based on who is ‘cool’, who can amaze them, charm them, entertain them. The relationship based on emotional stimulation is bound to fail, because no one can sustain to be a source of constant emotional stimulation. It is emotionally draining for both individuals.
The next stage of emotional growth is seeking Emotional Validation. At this stage, an individual seeks validation, from their partner, their family and friends. Whether an individual is in a relationship or not, their professional life and their dating life is driven by a need to seek validation. When they are with their partner, they seek validation from their partner. When they are with their family or friends, they will seek validation for their partner. The social image of their partner comes into play. What kind of work they do, how well are they positioned in society to be accepted by other members of society.
The relationship driven by emotional validation is bound to fail because it is based on the social image of the individual, and not on the individual’s self. People loose jobs, people lose positions in society, people lose money, people lose fame. And sometimes people also fall from grace in society. And then the person is no longer able to offer emotional validation. And therefore this relationship falls.
The third stage of emotional growth is Emotional Fulfilment. Once a person falls through seeking validation, they are able to move past that stage and understand the need for Emotional Fulfilment. And this stage an individual seeks fulfillment through a set of healthy stable relationships, not necessarily all romantic or sexual. The individual’s main source of emotional comfort is still external. It is just more stable, does not require emotional stimulation i.e. drama or entertainment, and it is not from a single source i.e. it is not driven by validation. It is from from a multitude of relationships including but not limited to family, friends, romantic interests, siblings, coworkers, etc.
The fourth stage of emotional growth is Emotional Contentment. At this stage, the individual derives his/her emotional needs through a combination of combination of healthy stable relationships and a purpose in their life. You source of emotional comfort is not just external. It is also internal. Your relationship with the self is strong, and you find emotional fulfillment through your purpose. Relationships are driven by a purpose and action for that purpose. You exchange emotional comfort, rather than just receiving it. You are also able to be an anchor for another person. You enjoy your solitude equally, but have a network of relationships that offer you enough freedom & space.
Even in this stage, the person is deeply attached to the people or his life’s purpose, that he/she drives emotional comfort from. And this causes much emotional pain as time passes by. Because sooner or later everyone is bound to leave you. Either because of life, or because of death. And your life’s purpose – may or may not be accomplished.
The fifth and final stage of emotional growth is Emotional Freedom. At this stage you find fulfilment through purpose driven relationships, but are not attached to them, or even to the purpose.. You are completely on the providing side. Receiving emotional comfort is automatic, unconscious act of the self. You are like a house with multiple pillars, successfully acting as an anchor for many individuals. You find emotional comfort in giving support to others, but are not attached to this idea. You relationships with others, with your self, and with your life’s purpose – are not based on attachment.
As stated in other articles, it is easy to talk about this, but an emotional change happens through our experiences in our life. And this is why, my coaching program is based on creating & sharing experiences. If you are going through a period of emotional change in your life, I invite you to come and be part of the #1 coaching program in Emotional Wellness, which also gives you access to the Self Discovery Retreat.